Why being a narcissistic individual is never easy…
I don’t know, life is hard, isn’t it? Take my life for example (and we would have to, seeing as my life is infinitely more intriguing on every level than yours). As a child I was brought up to believe that I was worth something. That I was great. That I was better than anyone. My parents said it all the time and told me to have confidence in my own abilities, so I was only doing as they asked.
Then, when I arrived at Secondary School came a massive bombshell which threatened my narcissistic personality to its core: suddenly people were telling me that I was a good person, but that, horror of horrors, we were all EQUAL. I detested this. I mean, of course I saw that white people and black people were equal, but as far as anything else there was no question that I was superior. The problem was, whenever I started telling the world about this – including the teachers – people tended to get very angry. Soon after I started telling the world about all this – I was giving a speech at lunch time – I was hauled into the Headmaster’s office. He asked me what I thought I was doing and so I told him: “I am just in the process of telling everyone how superior I am, what’s the problem with that?”
He stared at me. I stared at him. This staring malarkey went on for some time. Finally he looked out his window and pointed. “See that Red Diesel Leicester lorry?” he said.
nobody is me, are they?
I said I did and couldn’t miss it, for it was enormous. “What’s it doing here?” I said.
“I don’t know, it must have taken a wrong turn,” he told me, “but that’s beside the point.”
“What is the point?”
He leaned over the table and got serious. “Do you think the driver in there thinks he is better than every other driver in the world?”
“I don’t know, shall we go and ask him?”
“No!”
“Then we will never know.”
“Indeed.” He rubbed his face with his hands. “The point is that he probably doesn’t. He probably doesn’t even think about it. The point is, really, that we are all equal.”
This prompted me to tell him he was wrong, which he did not like.
And repeat. This was how I grew up.
It’s not always easy being me, you know. But then again you probably wouldn’t, because nobody is me, are they?
See the video below for some funny things that some — not as good children as I was — say.
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